The blog is so neglected, I had to log in. Tis'ok, my life feels like that just now, too.

Thoughts from the car tonight. (generally the best ones hatch from there, especially when it is 70 degrees at night in November and I can see moon and stars because the top is down on the Minnow.)

Me: "I just want to learn to live like Jesus."
"Great! Go and find the 'worst' sinners you can and love them more than you love yourself. You will get s#*t from people who want to prove their worth by how 'good' they are, so be prepared. Your worth comes from Our personal focus on you, on dealing rightly with your past transactions, and on how we will encourage your future." (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit)

Strikes me that, sadly, phrases like "live like Jesus" ring in my head with the same blandness as "keep a journal" or "who is your accountability partner?" Phrases I have heard but do not really connect with.

This past summer I tried to explain to a woman at the CS Lewis Oxbridge Seminar that the word 'journal' brings up an image of a padded lavender notebook decorated with pastel flowers. Ack. She informed me that being resistant to 'keeping a journal' was proof that I needed to keep one and I was avoiding something apparently really huge. Oh, and 'God told her.' (I find the response, "that's great! When He tells me, I will get back to you" to be very helpful.)

'Accountability Partner' makes me picture a grocery list of things someone wants to be able to check off about how I am living externally. As with the journal, I know that super-lots of Christians benefit from an arrangement like this. But, this arrangement tends to make me rebellious. I know that if I choose to go and do as I will, I am adept enough to lie to you about it. I will do as I so choose and the only thing is to love me knowing that I really know what's what, want to do what is right, and am as well aware of my need for repentance as I am His heartbreaking forgiveness. Become a nest, that is really the only thing.

"Be like Jesus." Why does this feel like code for 'be a milquetoast.' I can only account for this by declaring the ignorance of all of us. We don't get Him - of course we don't! Even the men and women who were historically with him didn't get it. I think the closest I ever come is when I say something like, "Oh, that man Jesus? I hear he talked to women!" (I always knew this was radical, but travel in the Middle East even now has taught me just how radical.) This man was not a tame lion. Perfectly obedient, he saw all sides of everything and surprised everyone when He chose which was the right side.

I am placing this in a picture frame as my response, not the way things are, necessarily.